May 29, 2005

Red Sox: Deep Space Nine

Inspired by the Ronan Tynan post at SoSH - and by subsequent discussion below - I give you:

The 2475 Boston Red Sox

Tim Wakefield, Starting Pitcher
A crafty veteran, Tim Wakefield has been in battle longer than most.  Though perhaps not the most overpowering of pitchers, he succeeds through guile and sheer determination.

Gul Macet, Cardassian
A veteran of the Cardassian Imperial Guard, Macet has been on the front lines through many wars.  Though the Cardassian Empire is weakened, Macet still gains tactical advantage through guile and bald-faced trickery.

David Ortiz, Designated Hitter
His mirthful, happy demeanor and his clubhouse antics belies a powerful and soulful bat; though frequently a source of entertainment, Ortiz is the heart of the Red Sox offense.

Klingon Chef
His mirthful, happy demeanor and mean plate of gagh' belies a powerful and soulful singing voice; frequently a source of entertainment, he is the heart of the Promenade.

Matt Clement, Starting Pitcher
Though underrated and misunderstood upon his arrival in Boston, Clement has proven himself a gritty performer.  As Captain Varitek takes him under his wing, Clement shows signs of becoming a tremendous addition to the Red Sox pitching staff.

Nog, Ferengi
Though misunderstood and scorned during his childhood on Deep Space Nine, Nog has proven himself a driven and intelligent young man.  As Captain Sisko takes him under his wing, Nog shows signs of becoming a tremendous addition to Starfleet Academy.

Mike Timlin, Reliever
The Sheriff of the Red Sox Bullpen, Timlin has been around the block, under different regimes for different teams, and has emerged with a strong sense of competition and drive.  Willing to play many roles for the good of the team, Timlin always has one thing in mind: a championship.

Odo, Changeling
The Constable of Deep Space Nine, Odo has been around the block, under different regimes for different galactic powers, and has emerged with a strong sense of duty and morality.  Willing to take many shapes for the good of the station, Odo aways has one thing in mind: justice.

Johnny Damon, Center Fielder
A talented and strong center fielder and leadoff hitter, perhaps Johnny has let his celebrity go to his head, but he's still a potent offensive weapon.

Khan Noonien Singh, Human
A brilliant and strong former dictator, Khan has let power corrupt him, to the point where he stole a potent offensive weapon.

Keith Foulke, Closer
The bullpen ace of the Boston Red Sox, Foulke is always trying to close out the game.

Jaglom Shrek, Yridian
A renegade smuggler in the Bajoran Sector, Shrek is always trying to close out a deal.

David Wells, Starting Pitcher
A fat, annoying, and useless journeyman.

Neelix, Talaxian
A fat, annoying and useless wayfarer.

Kevin Millar, 1st Baseman
Very, very stupid.

Pakled
Very, very stupid.

Edgar Renteria, Shortstop
The Shortstop of the 2005 Boston Red Sox, Renteria hit a grand slam to assure that the Red Sox would win an important May matchup with their rivals, the New York Yankees.

Buck Bokai, Shortstop
The Shortstop of the 2042 London Kings, Bokai hit a walkoff homerun to assure that the Kings would win the final World Series against their rivals, the New York Yankees.

Terry Francona, Manager
Though scarred by his previous job as manager of the Philadelphia Philles, taking charge of the Red Sox gave Francona new life.  The series he won saved the Sox, and he is a hero throughout New England. 

Benjamin Sisko, Human
Though scarred by his previous assignment aboard the USS Saratoga during the Borg attack, taking command of Deep Space Nine gave Sisko new life.  The battles he won saved the Federation, and he is a hero throughout the Alpha Quadrant.

Posted by 12eight at 12:40:59 | Permanent Link | Comments (5) |
Comments
1 - Crap - I was hoping to come here and find some baseball talk.

A follow up to earlier threads:


Friday Sox 13 LOB - 6 runs
Saturday Sox 13 LOB - 17 runs (Comment this)

Written by: x at 2005/05/29 - 18:41:12
2 - Eh. There'll be a Sunday Game Blog later tonight, so plenty of time for baseball talk.

As for the LOB, the result of more hits, or of 'timely hitting'? :) (Comment this)

Written by: Andrew at 2005/05/29 - 19:01:46
3 - Excellent, hilarious post. I don't know if you've seen this by me from a while back:
http://empyrealenvirons.blogs.com/empyreal_environs/2005/02/varitek_accepts.html
Maybe we can write the 100 ways Tek is better than et al. It's something I've had rolling around in my skull but never quite followed through.

Also, Emma is a Red Sox/Trek fan. We are legion.
http://www.crimsonlibbersoxfan.blogspot.com/ (Comment this)

Written by: Empyreal at 2005/05/29 - 20:13:36
4 - That list is certainly quite a project... though if Tek can lead the charge against the AL East, I see no problem with the Borg or the Dominion. Maybe the Jem'Hadar could hit a curveball, but I can't see the Borg adapting. (Comment this)

Written by: Andrew at 2005/05/29 - 21:45:27
5 - What an effort! Highly entertaining entry, dude. (Comment this)

Written by: Witch City Sox Girl at 2005/05/29 - 22:52:05
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